Why You Should Say No to Opportunities

Oct 31, 2021 | 0 comments

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All our life, we’re told to seize opportunities that come our way because you never know what it may bring. We’re also constantly advised to grab opportunities because it may be tough to find another one. What they don’t tell you is when and why you shouldn’t be saying yes to the possibilities that come your way.

We often get opportunities that don’t align with who we are, what we really want in life or the larger purpose of our lives. These are essentially distractions that pull us off-course if we let them in. Why then do we accept them when we know they don’t fit in our lives and we need to say no?

We don’t want to waste an opportunity

Since childhood, we have been instructed to take up every opportunity we get because you never know when the next one will come along. This happens at school, college and even in our careers. We take up opportunities because we don’t want to let go of them and fear that we may not get another chance. We think it is just too good to be passed up even though it does nothing for us personally, or professionally.

The thought of passing up an opportunity comes with the fear of looking ungrateful or even snobbish and arrogant.

But in reality, the only thing you will be wasting is our and the other person’s time and energy.

If we don’t say yes, someone else will

We know that if we let go of the opportunity presented, there might be someone else who will grab it with both hands. Therefore, we end up taking up the opportunity out of fear of missing out and greed. What most of us don’t realize is that letting go of an opportunity that we anyway don’t like could be a turning point for the other person.

You’re doing it for someone else

You may face a situation wherein someone you know will offer you an opportunity, but you know that it would drain you more than be an enjoyable experience for you. But, what will you do when they look at you expectantly and ask about your interest? Saying no would mean disappointing them but remember that saying yes and doing a half-assed job would be lowering their perception about you, which is worse.

Now that you know why you tend to say yes when you want to say no, you must also know why these opportunities do more harm than good to you.

They drain your time and energy

Whenever you agree to take up an opportunity that is fit for you, you devote your time and energy to it. When it doesn’t align with you, it drains your time and energy. Working on that project could often leave you exhausted and frustrated.

If you’re saying yes to it, you’re saying no to something else

When you begrudgingly spend your time on a task, you are essentially saying no to something that you actually wanna do. Your time and energy are finite which means you can divert it to only so many things. If you’re wasting it on a task that doesn’t serve a purpose, you’re limiting the time and energy remaining for tasks that matter.

In conclusion, it can be difficult to say no when we feel that an opportunity is presented to us, but we must know that everything that glitters is not gold.

Recap for memory:

We tend to accept the opportunities to which we need to say no because we don’t want to waste an opportunity, someone else will take it or we’re doing it for someone else.
Saying yes to such opportunities does more harm than good.
They drain your time and energy, and saying yes to them means saying no to something you love.

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The Grass is Always Greener on the Other Side

Oct 24, 2021 | 0 comments

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You must have heard of ‘The grass is greener on the other side’.

Now get ready for ‘The other part of the world is always the better part’.

“What’s the context?” you may ask.

My mumma had called up her friend in Australia to wish him a happy birthday. He’s been living there since January 2020 and hasn’t had a chance to visit India even once due to strict travel restrictions.

She asked him, “How’s the weather in the other part of the world?”

“It’s starting to get warmer here. It must be getting colder in the other part of the world, the better part.”

“For me, your part of the world is the better one.” said my mom.

“The other part is always the better part”, her friend joked.

And that’s how this version of ‘The grass is greener on the other side’ was born.

To the homesick, their homeland seems to be the best place in the world. But to someone living in the same country for all their life, it seems nothing extravagant.

But why is it that the other part is always the better part, or rather the grass always greener on the other side?

The grass is greener where you water it

One of the possibilities of why the grass seems greener on the other side is because it is being watered more. The grass is better maintained on the other side than you are maintaining it. It is given manure, its weeding is done and it is mowed regularly.

The other side could be someone looking physically better, fitter, or stronger than you. There’s a slight chance they look that way because of genetics, but that’s rarely the case. More often than not, they give themselves better nutrition, exercise regularly, and get proper sleep.

The grass is just a turf

Even though it’s astonishing, it is possible. People can formulate their grass turfs and lives so well, someone passing by would assume that it’s real.

Even though there might be dull dry grass, it’s masked so well underneath the turf that no one would be able to know.

But the fake grass comes with a catch. The ones who view it from afar can’t tell the difference but the ones observing it closely can tell if it’s real or fake in a minute.

Similarly, if you see someone’s life from far away and it looks too good (or green) to be true, there’s a possibility it is. Maybe there’s a lot of problems you can’t see from far away and they are only discovered when one gets close enough. Only the ones who can see it closely know the reality.

The grass is green under your feet too – You just can’t see it

Yes, it’s true. The grass is green under your feet too, it’s just that you are not able to see it.

Your own shadow falling on the ground may make the grass seem dry and dull. You look at the small patch on which your shadow falls, and assume your entire lawn looks dull. However, when you look at your neighbor’s lawn, you look at it as a whole and think that their grass is greener.

This is a parallel of our life. We focus on the tiny minute imperfections of our life since we know our life better than anyone else. But when we look at someone else’s life, we look at the bigger picture. We fail to look at our own bigger picture and fall into the trap of thinking that the grass is greener on the other side.

Interestingly, even when standing on your neighbor’s lawn, the grass on which your shadow falls won’t look as green, and your own grass would look better.

Here’s a little snippet by Joanna Franklin Bell to illustrate my point better:
“But here I am in July, and why am I thinking about Christmas pudding? Probably because we always pine for what we do not have. The winter seems cozy and romantic in the hell of summer, but hot beaches and sunlight are what we yearn for all winter.”

Recap for memory:

The grass is greener where you water it
The grass can be a fake turf
The grass is green under your feet too – You just can’t see it

P. S. Even though the main post is over, here are a few things I wanted to share with you. I didn’t include them in the post cause I didn’t want to make it too long. If you have some extra time on your hands, be my guest.

A Poem

“What if grass is greener on the other side,
Because it’s always raining there,
Where the ones who never fail to give,
Hardly have enough to spare,
Where the people with the broadest smiles,
Have pillows filled with tears,
And the bravest ones you’ve ever known,
Are crippled by their fears,
It’s filled with lonely people,
But they’re never seen alone,
Where those that lack real shelter,
Make you feel the most at home,
Maybe their grass looks greener,
Because they’ve painted on its hue,
Just remember from the other side,
Your grass looks greener too.”
Erin Hanson

A Short Story

The Magic In Your Life is a short story along similar lines. I had written a few months back for a magazine competition. The results aren’t out yet so I don’t know if it’ll make it but it fitted here so I thought why not.

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Don’t Be Afraid of Frogging Out

Oct 17, 2021 | 0 comments

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As you might or might not know, I crochet a bit here and there.

For those of you who don’t know what crocheting is, it’s a craft very similar to knitting but done with one hooked needle, instead of two.

It’s unlike what I usually do and that’s what makes it quite refreshing. In fact, it’s even a stress buster because poking the hook through small holes becomes an outlet for my aggressive energy.

I could go on about the benefits of crocheting but I’m pretty sure you could find that on google.

Here’s what I am here to talk about: Frogging.

It does sound really weird at first, and to be honest, the logic behind it is funny.

In crochet, you make patterns through stitches. When you make a mistake, you need to rip it out.

However, a lot of times, you can’t spot your mistakes until you have moved ahead with a whole lot of stitches.

When this happens, you can either go on with your work, or rip it apart till your mistake, aka frog it.

Wanna know why it is called frogging?

Imagine yourself saying “rip it, rip it, rip it” while you are pulling out several rows or rounds of a project (whatever crochet item you’re working on). It sounds similar to the noise a frog makes, right?

While frogging the project, you’re more likely to have a frown on your face rather than singing the ‘rip it’ song.

No one likes to undo their efforts and crocheters are no exception. It’s literally ripping apart your heart.

However you know, that’s not how it’s supposed to be, crochet or life.

If you spot a mistake in your work and let it slide, you’ll probably look back at the piece with regret because the error will stick out like a sore thumb. Only you would notice it but it would still bother you.

On the other hand, if you spot an error and frog it to fix it you might get a little bit irritated. But when you’re done with the project it’ll give you the satisfaction of a task well done.

One reason people fear frogging their work is that they’re scared to do the work. I agree it’s quite a bit of effort but if you did it the first time, you will have no problem doing it the second time.

Plus you get to observe and rectify your mistakes that went unnoticed earlier. It makes you learn a lesson that you would’ve missed the first time round.

So don’t be afraid of frogging out 🙂

Recap for memory:

A lot of times you can’t spot your mistakes until you have moved ahead.
If you spot a mistake in your work and let it slide, you’ll look back at the work with regret.
If you did it the first time, you will have no problem doing it the second time.

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How To Be More Self-Disciplined

Oct 10, 2021 | 0 comments

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People think that either you have self-discipline or you don’t, there’s no in-between. But that holds as much truth as the theory of flat earth.

In reality, people have different levels of self-discipline. Even the same people have different levels of self-discipline when it comes to different tasks. Some people might have a high level of self-discipline when it comes to working out but very little self-discipline when it comes to doing their schoolwork. Other people might be the opposite: they may be able to complete their schoolwork but aren’t able to get themselves moving.

So what gives you the ability to be self-disciplined in certain areas, and where does it run away in other tasks?

The short simple answer to that would be your ‘Reason Why’.

Reason Why

The reason why explains why you do what you do. It’s like one of those weird questions you get asked in an interview. Even though we make up a random answer for the interview when it comes to self-discipline, you need to answer it and you need to answer it honestly.

Having a mental picture of your ‘Why’ gives you strength in times where you forget why you’re doing something.

Studies showed that a strong motivating reason why allows people to tap into willpower reserves that they might otherwise not have been able to.

In our examples above, the ones who work out have a clear image of why they work out – they might want to get fit, feel better, look better, get stronger, or all of the above. Likewise, those who complete their work may have the goal to be the best academically and get into the best of colleges.

With all this being said, remember that reason why is only a finite resource. A strong motivating reason why may only act as a buffer or a temporary solution to increase willpower and that willpower still does have a finite limit.

This brings us to the next step of developing self-discipline.

Developing discipline through singular activities

Since willpower is a limited resource, it is better to use it effectively on one task than spread it throughout ten.

Focus all of it on one of the however many tasks you want to accomplish.

Then when the first activity becomes a habit, move on to your second activity.

For example, you want to develop the habit of reading a book, exercising, and making your bed.

You can begin by taking up any of these activities, possibly the simplest one first.

Every day you decide on a time to fix up your reading time.

Over a couple of weeks, this becomes a habit and you no longer need to convince yourself to read.

You repeat this for other activities as well.

When an activity becomes a habit it drains a lot less willpower. Thus, the more activities you turn into habits, the less you need to rely on your limited willpower and it can be utilized for other things.

Here’s another thing that can help you remain on track when you’re already low on willpower.

Pre-plan Your Response to Temptations: If-Then technique

As the name suggests, pre-planning your responses means thinking of ways how you’d handle your distractions or temptations before they arise. This way you don’t have to use your willpower in resisting your temptations or in thinking about how to act. Otherwise, we tend to give in to our distractions because we don’t know how to respond.

As an example, your temptations are your friends asking you to hang out and your goal is to exercise during that time. You tell yourself, if my friends call me about the party, then I’ll tell them I am busy and have a couple of important things to do.

Another example, if the urge to play the video game because you feel like taking a break after studying, then you’ll go for a short walk instead.

Self-discipline is like a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets. Practicing self-discipline increases self-discipline in subsequent acts. You have to train yourself to be able to strengthen your resolve and get rid of temptations so that you may achieve your goals.

Recap for memory:

Willpower is a limited resource. A strong motivating reason why allows people to tap into willpower reserves that they might otherwise not have been able to.
When an activity becomes a habit it drains a lot less willpower.
Self-discipline is like a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets.

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Do It Right The First Time

Oct 3, 2021 | 2 comments

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Your mom tells you to fix your bag strap whose stitches are coming undone from the sides.

You say that you’ll fix it in the evening.

She reminds you again in the evening but you’ve already sat down to complete your homework. As soon as you’re done with the homework, you go for a walk and by the time you come back, the bag strap is long forgotten.

The strap remains forgotten, until you are on your way back home from school and you grab your bag by the strap but the only thing that comes in your hand is the strap.

We all have this tendency to overlook small things that demand attention, which go on to become huge issues that demand immediate attention.

I, too, have taken part in such tomfoolery and am still bearing its consequences.

(I have no idea why I feel the need to share personal things that make me look dumb but I do it every time and here I am again)

In 11th grade, I did not memorise trigonometric identities (mind you, they’re pretty important for 12th grade). For some unknown reason, I did not understand its importance and here I am regretting it.

Now not only do I have to memorise those identities, but I have to memorise them in a small time frame, along with the formulas for class 12.

As you can see, I’m in big trouble.

While I was practicing the formulas yesterday and reflecting on how deep of a trouble am I in, my mind drifted to the saying, “A stitch in time saves nine.”

And boy, have I ever heard a truer saying.

The phrase expresses that if you sort out a problem immediately it may save a lot of extra work later.

This does make a lot of sense because the amount of effort you would’ve to put initially would just be a fraction of the work you would put if you delay the action. Besides, when you act upon it later, more often than not you’re under stress caused by the magnitude of the situation. This wouldn’t be the case if the problem was handled when it came up.

Uprooting a weed is easy, but if that weed turns into a tree, uprooting it is next to impossible.

It’s the secret to doing just half of your work. Do it right the first time it comes to you and you won’t need to go back to it again or correct it.

A few places you could put this saying to use:

Getting things and objects fixed
Learning things in the first go
Cleaning things
Getting pains and aches checked (my mom hurt her toes and when the pain wouldn’t go away even after 10 days, she decided to get it checked. Turns out she had fractured her little toe)
Completing homework and assignments

Recap for memory:

Overlooking small things that demand attention can turn them into huge issues that demand immediate attention
Looking in a problem that very moment saves time, effort and stress
The secret to doing just half of your work – Do it right the first time

P. S. Doing things right the first time does not mean that the work needs to be perfect and you have to put all your focus on making it ‘the best’. Trying to make things perfect results in getting nothing done. Doing it right means there isn’t an issue in it that you’re aware of, yet you have overlooked.

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